It's late late late Sunday Night.

Humph!

I am so cranky right now.

Why, you ask? Well, I have video game burn-out, and it’s all Dizzy’s fault.

I’ve been playing this puzzle game called the Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy. It’s a cute little cartoonish platform game. You have to collect all these stars and solve all these little problems in order to save Dizzy’s girlfriend, Daisy, who has been kidnapped by the evil wizard Zaks. It’s a very long game with a very large world.

Occasionally I get absolutely stumped and Dizzy just wanders around in circles. That gets very boring. So, I decided to cheat and consult an online walkthrough. All well and good.

I followed the walkthrough directions and solved a great many of the necessary problems. But – the walkthrough says I have to travel through the mines on a minecart, take Exit 4, and it’ll take me to the gravedigger’s spade, which I need to get a necessary item. But no matter how many times I go down that track and take that exit, there’s no gravedigger’s spade! There’s a skeleton key, but no stupid spade.

Grrrr!

It also tells me I can find an axe in the mines, but the axe is in the graveyard in a place where I can’t reach it.

From this I can either conclude that I have a defective game or that all the walkthroughs online are erroneous. It doesn’t matter. No matter how many walkthroughs I consult and no matter how many copies of the game I download, there’s no spade or axe in the mines.

Q: What’s a girl to do?

A: Quit the game and do something fun and easy, like Super Mario Bros! Say your prayers, Bowser! Mwuhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

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